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As a result, we often feel the need to take action, to do whatever it takes to bridge that gap. This might explain celebrity crushes. There is no denying that these people are the pinnacle of attractiveness, but why are they really so lust-worthy? According to anthropologist Helen Fisher, levels of dopamine -- the pleasure chemical in the brain -- continue to rise the longer you must wait to fulfill your desire.

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So, in other words, your experience with someone is ultimately more pleasurable if you have to hold out. That fight, that struggle, pays off in a big way when the main character ends up with the unattainable object of his or her desire -- talk about dopamine overload -- thus why those movies make you feel so good. No wonder women are trained to play hard-to-get. Wanting what you can't have, whether it's a luxury lifestyle or a relationship with someone, can be a no-win game.

Wanting Someone You Can't Have

What happens when you finally strike it rich? There's a good chance your fortune still won't be enough. Whenever I get excited about something—a new company with a hot technology or an opportunity to talk to a major employer about a big job we can fill—I catch myself drooling, figuratively.

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I want it bad. Still, you need to calm down and back away.

Why desires don't make us happy

What matters is not fulfilling your desires but what you can do for others—for the company, for science, for a cause you care about. When you recognize that, that sixth sense that interviewers have starts to work for you instead of against you.

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You start to seem real and useful. Many job seekers have found that they do better when their desire is focused not on self-fulfillment but on what they can accomplish working with others within an organization. Allow your driving force to shift to the person in front of you. If you succeed at this, you will differentiate yourself from all those self-interested job seekers, and there are a lot of those out there—far too many.

By Elisabeth Pain Sep.

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By Beryl Lieff Benderly Sep. The more you learn to take responsibility for your own feelings -- learning to love yourself, cherish yourself, make yourself feel special and valued -- the more you may want a relationship in order to share your love rather than to get love. Contrary to what many believe, it's not the getting of love that takes away loneliness, but the sharing of love. The most profound and beautiful experience in life is the sharing of love.

But we can't share our love unless we are filled with love. When we learn to fill ourselves with love from our "Source" -- whatever that is for each person, such as nature, spirit, God, the energy of the universe -- then we come to our partner with inner fullness rather than with inner emptiness.

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Rather than needing a partner to complete us, we desire to share our completeness with our partner. When two people come together to get love rather than to learn, heal and share love, there is a strong possibility that their relationship won't last. With both partners trying to get loved and filled by the other, and neither one having learned to love and fill themselves, each will ultimately be disappointed. Very often, one or both might believe they've picked the wrong partner.

The Problem With Wanting | Psychology Today

When two people come together because they want to learn together, grow together, heal together, share their time and companionship, and share their love and passion, they have a good chance of creating a lasting, loving relationship. If you tune inside and honestly ask yourself why you want a relationship, and you find yourself on the first list rather than on the second, do not despair. You can learn how to love yourself and fill yourself with love so that you have plenty of love to share with a partner. It's important to realize that we attract people at our common level of health -- which is the level of taking personal responsibility for our happiness and wellbeing -- or at our common level of self-abandonment -- which includes making someone else responsible for our feelings.

Given this reality, you have a far better chance of creating a healthy and loving relationship with a partner when you have a healthy and loving relationship with yourself. Margaret Paul, Ph. To begin learning how to love and connect with yourself so that you can connect with others, take advantage of our free Inner Bonding eCourse , receive Free Help , and take our Week eCourse, "The Intimate Relationship Toolbox" - the first two weeks are free!

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